Why do we feel the need to judge another person especially on their worst days? I’m sorry. I forgot you were perfect; oh wait (sarcasm). Show me a person who isn’t flawed. Show me a person who has never made a mistake. If they say they’re perfect, they’re obviously lying.
Now, some mistakes are small with minor repercussions. Others could get a gorilla killed. No matter what the consequences are, ridicule shouldn’t be one of them. You can add a bunch of “if’s” & “maybes” to a person’s situation but you’ll never fully know what’s going on. The only thing you can see are the similarities and what you would have done.
And I know it’s easier to point out someone else’s flaws instead of your own. You may say, “Yeah, I messed up but at least I’m not as bad as ____.” So do you feel like your consequences should be less abrasive because you compared yourself to someone who’s “done worse?”
If there’s one thing I could get rid of, it would be comparisons. I feel like they hinder us. A common comparison: You’re not moving forward as much as you’d like but at least you’re doing better than you were last year. Yeah, it’s good to notice that you’ve come a long way. At the same time, if you focused more on your craft, learning more, trying different things, and analyzing your situation rather than comparing yourself to who you once were, you’d be better off.
Comparing “present you” to “past you” is like comparing yourself to another person. We do that too much already with people we don’t know. Focus more on who you are now and how you can improve yourself instead of worrying about someone else (including “past you”).
Friendly competition with another person is one thing. It’s a situation where making comparisons is welcomed because it helps you strive for greatness. But now, we just have materialistic competitions, people trying to “keep up with the Joneses” (or Kardashians), people too afraid to move forward because they’re friends might get mad at them. It happens. We’re more worried about people passing us on the freeway with their nice cars than people passing us in life with their acquired skills.
The moral of the story is focus on you. Not who you were. You where you are right now. How you can make your life better. Focus on ways you can succeed. No one else matters but you (unless you have a family). I’m not saying don’t care about anyone else. I’m saying don’t let anyone’s opinions or judgements keep you from growing and getting what you want/need.
Who am I to be judging you, judging others and making useless comparisons? I know there are contradictions in this entire post. But there’s also truth. Truths that I need to hear myself. I’m not perfect nor do I accept all my flaws. It’s something I too need to work on.
Let’s worry less about imperfect people judging us. Talking about us helps them to think less about their problems. The best thing we can do is focus on ourselves and not let their words affect us. I am so sick of seeing us fighting one another. It’s time to let things go. We are good at harboring bad feelings and emotions be we aren’t good at letting them go.
If you need someone to talk to, try a trustworthy friend, family member, or mentor. If you don’t have any of those, speak to a therapist. Therapy doesn’t mean you’re crazy. You don’t even have to tell anyone you’re going. Do your research and find someone you feel you’d be able to talk to. We’ve grown accustomed to hiding what we feel and end up with negative emotions we can’t explain.
I’ll leave you with these beautiful words byJamie Walker:
“I didn’t want to call a therapist because that would mean I would have to admit that I was not perfect, could not do or make it on my own…I had to call…because I still allowed myself to be affected by other people’s rude and selfish behavior…I really did want to live and learn how to keep my power…” – 101 Ways Black Women Can Learn to Love Themselves