You’ve been surrounded by males for a while so there’s a strong possibility that you don’t know how to speak to women and be yourself around them. You may come across as insensitive and blunt. You may also become slightly confused at times because (if we’re being honest) some women can be completely irrational. No. Matter. What. You. Do. I would say listen and nod or just say, “ok,” but they seem to have a problem with that too. Nevertheless, you need female friends.
I’m going to go on a slight tangent here but bear with me. Sometimes women can be untrustworthy. You’ll never be 100% sure that what you say (in confidence) will be kept between you two. Women get really, really, really sensitive sometimes and that’s when the irrational thinking starts to kick in. You know how you and your male friends can be straightforward and honest with each other (well most of them) and still be cool by the end of the conversation? Yeah, don’t expect too much of that from female companions. They need more time to get over it, if they get over it. You’d think they would appreciate your honesty. Some of them do, but not all of the time.
Things may get downright messy. Obviously if you’re talking to someone who always jumps to conclusions, it’s bound to become chaotic. And just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you’ll automatically connect with other women. With all of that being said, you should have female friends; at least one.
You can’t really talk to men about your female problems and get the right feedback. Plus, there’s something about the female bond that is so genuine and vital to your life. It’s definitely something you don’t want to miss out on. Not saying that the bonds you share with men aren’t great but you are missing out on a crucial connection.
You’re going to have to jump in and make some mistakes. It’s going to be like trial & error. A simple misunderstanding can take your friendship from 100 to 0. I wish I was joking. Some of them will be lost; trust me I know. You just have to be willing to let them go and move on.
In my belly dance class, I had a sisterhood. We all came from different age groups, backgrounds, and meshed so well. It was a strong, positive, female vibe and I hadn’t noticed that I needed it so much until it was gone. Due to financial situations I had to miss some sessions and then I moved. But it was weird for me because I felt so lost and bewildered and didn’t even know why.
Then I started watching Broad City (currently my favorite show) and it all came together. I want a bond like that. The way that they are so, completely comfortable with each other and the way they connect. I’m missing out! Who can I polish my nails with on Skype? Who can I talk about guys to? Who can I speak to in confidence and be consoled? What woman can I be myself around? Where is my Ilana??
What I’m trying to say is you don’t need a lot of female friends. You don’t need a Girlfriends or Sex and the City status. Though it would be nice, you just need to find that one. Your soul sister. Someone you can go to the spa with. Someone you can swap secrets and aspirations with. Guys are great! I don’t know where I’d be without them. But please, please, trust me. You won’t regret trying to find your kindred spirit in a woman.
“I do think that women need each other in a way that men might not need each other…but we do have a kind of intimacy. There is almost a kind of romance in female friendship…”~ Claire Danes
There’s something about the female connection that brings balance and truth. I believe that. But don’t ever let anyone tell you that you “can’t really” be friends with men. I have 7+ close male companions. So before you try to call me a slut or whatever, I only dated one of them. Another is my best friend and all together we have like a brotherhood I guess.
Some say that they either just want to have sex with you or they’re gay and they won’t really challenge you or put you in your place (because you’re a woman). Lies! My best friend lets me take no slack whatsoever. If it weren’t for him, my blog would’ve still been in my dreams and I’d be living a life of extreme comfort right now. You can call it BS all you want but I know him and I know what we have.
I love women; platonically. My family is 95% woman, 3% man, and 2% other (I’ll leave it open). So, I mainly know women from a family aspect as opposed to friends. Which means I’m still missing my confidante. I thought I had one but I lost her.
History doesn’t make the friendship, your connection does. You don’t have to stay friends with someone just because you’ve known them awhile. Every relationship isn’t meant to last forever which is why I said you have to be willing to let them go. Just do your best not to burn bridges on the way out.