So Singles Week is September 15th-22nd and this is the first year I’ve heard of it. Why don’t we celebrate being single the same way we celebrate relationships? There are way more perks to being single besides not having to deal with excessive drama. What about having more opportunities to build your self-love & self-worth?The beauty of independence? Getting a better chance to know who you are? We constantly look for our worth in someone else. Thinking we need a “better half” instead of being whole on our own.
There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone. Lonely is a feeling or emotion; a mindset. Alone is more physical (to me at least). I’m used to being alone so I find comfort in it. I didn’t get into a relationship until I turned 21 so being alone is natural for me. Lately, I find myself getting lonely and wanting romance. Maybe it’s the couple that I’m constantly around. I don’t know.
Anyway, I’ve been single for about 9 months now and it’s not the same as before my relationship. I used to love being alone (without getting lonely) but now loneliness is lurking. My mom suggested, “Why don’t you take yourself on a date?” Me: “Like a ‘date’ date? How? What would I do?”
She didn’t mean hanging out at a mall or pampering yourself at home. Going to the movies, dancing, skating, skiing, bowling, etc. A romantic-get-dressed-up-and-go-all-out type date. Doing those other things on a self-date made sense to me. I can watch a movie, skate, etc.A romantic restaurant by myself sitting at a table and not the bar? No. In the words of my friend David, “That don’t math.” Not to me. Now that I think about it, I’ve ever actually seen someone eating alone in that type of setting (and not sitting at the bar). What are you supposed to do? Watch the tv in the restaurant? Read a book? Be on your phone? Sit there and stare at others staring at you until your food arrives?
That type of experience scares me…well, it’s actually more abnormal and awkward than scary but I’ll still do it. If I can make it through that, I can conquer any “lonely” day. Tough experiences make you stronger and this is definitely one for me.
Enough about my life. Why don’t we advocate for self-dating the same way we promote having a significant other? Going to the mall or to the store alone doesn’t count as going out with yourself. I’m talking about getting dressed up like you would for a “traditional date” and taking yourself out. We shame people for being single like they’re the rejects of the world. There’s power in being single. There is power in treating yourself and spending “outside time” with yourself. Lonely isn’t something we should be afraid of or settle for (or even believe in but hey…).
I wish someone brought this idea to me sooner back when I was insecure about myself and my worth. But I was super shy so I probably wouldn’t have gone out anyway but I digress.Treat yourself the way you want to be treated romantically, physically, mentally, spiritually.
There are benefits to giving yourself more attention. It increases your self-confidence/self-worth/self-esteem, helps you to be content, helps you set standards, gets you out of your comfort zone. Why aren’t we promoting this on a massive scale??
Send yourself flowers or comic books. Make dinner reservations for one at a nice restaurant. Take yourself ice skating in the winter and drink some hot cocoa. Plan a cute road trip alone (notify your emergency contacts). Cook a romantic dinner for one. Go solo to parties and weddings or wherever else you feel you need a date. Embrace being alone and have fun with it.
Self-love is the most important thing one can learn. Also, you don’t have to be single to shower yourself with love and attention. www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com can help you with find the value in “me-dates”.
I will document my single date journey to share with you all. If this is something that you do frequently, please share your tips with us beginners. If you’re just now starting this (like me)please keep us updated on your journey as well! Don’t forget to have fun!