Relationships are fun but break-ups are hard. It doesn’t have to be that way. In this generation it’s harder for us to let go of the past and I feel like I know why: we don’t know how. Simple, right? We don’t even try to figure out how to let things go. This is what I see people do: breakup; do your best to hide all feelings, emotions, and memories of the person; start talking to them again, get back together. That cycle goes on and on and on and on. “I still love my ex.” Because you didn’t get over them properly. “I’m in an off-again-on-again relationship.” You’re not doing it right.
Breakups happen for a reason. There was a disconnect somewhere in there that you can’t just ignore because it will happen again. Things don’t just disappear when you’re not thinking about it. That’s Common Sense 101 but we do it anyway. Oh and one more thing, “moving on” to someone new will not help either because you still harbor feelings for another. We don’t give ourselves enough time between relationships.
Read: The Piece Link Meets the Big O by Shel Silverstein
Think about it. Think about everything.The good, the bad, the ugly.Often, when we reminisce we tend to only remember the pleasant memories.Some of us just try to block out everything.Like I said earlier, that’s ineffective.
When I thought about my ex it made me miss him. It’s ok to miss them but I began to call him and we would talk like we were still in a relationship.But then I started to think about everything: where we went wrong, the things he did, things I’ve done.That usually made me not want to talk to him.
2. Retire your phone for a few days…a week if you can.
This is mainly a social media thing.If you need a break from it all, chances are you need a break from your phone.This will prevent you from venting on Facebook. Posting memes about how men can’t be trusted and how you don’t love these hoes more than the money just makes you bitter.Vent to a trusted friend.
What’s the point in trying to prove that you’re over someone? You’re just showing everyone that you still think of them in your bitterness.
3. If you need closure…
This one I actually never understood.If you do the first tip you’ll have your closure.Another thing you can do: write a letter.You don’t have to send it.Just remember only you can give you closure (if that makes sense). Even if you spoke to your ex about things, you can’t be certain that you’ll get the answers you need.
You have the answers you’re looking for.
4. For when you’re feeling lonely…
At times when I feel lonely and want to call my ex I’ve created a system.If I have a sudden urge to call him, I’ll go and meditate.Next urge, 10 push ups. After that, write. I created a list of constructive activities that will fulfill me.Making that phone call will not.Right now it’s just a “false need”.
There’s comfort in being with the same person. You don’t have to get to know anyone new. You already know what to expect from them and everything. Things are just way easier than starting all over again. Do you want things to be easy or do you want to be fulfilled? Even if you’re off and on with someone you truly love, now may not be the best time for you both.
We focus too much on being with someone instead actually being happy. We don’t focus on ourselves and our happiness enough. Settling for what’s convenient is often a habit for us. But what will happen once we start wanting more for ourselves. Some of us can do a lot better but that path is harder. Start challenging yourself.